Archive for May, 2012

When I was younger


When I was younger, much younger, young enough to have Velcro on my shoes, I was immersed in the world of extreme evangelism. I heard the Gospel so much it eventually became background noise. One of things I was told is that if I accepted Jesus into my heart I would never be alone again. I was told that Jesus would be my best friend and constant companion. As a child who was constantly picked on and ostracized the idea of having a constant companion was quite appealing to me. Not at all surprising, by the age of six, Jesus was my personal Savior and Lord.

It was great for a while. My overactive imagination was a great illusionist. I imagined Jesus with me where ever I went. The illusion has slowly eroded with age.

The thing is, I have felt completely lonely, alone and abandoned over the years. Prayers went unanswered. In some of my darkest moments, when I called out to Him, he either didn’t hear me or he chose not to respond.

I’m left to cry the loneliness away, wiping tears on my twenty-two year old teddy bear named “Fuzzy”.

I realize now that it isn’t that Jesus didn’t hear me. It isn’t that He didn’t respond. It’s a shortcoming within the communities that we are each engaged. When it comes down to, we are each responsible for listening and responding to each other and each person’s needs.

However, our culture doesn’t foster or encourage communal living. It promotes individualism and consumerism. It encourages people to be so self-sufficient and independent that one doesn’t need to rely on others. The result: isolation.

A few months back I was staying with some friends in Charlotte NC while my husband was in Dallas TX looking for work. I was there about six weeks. During that time I experienced deep depression, bouts of elation, I got sick once with a cold too. My friend, Joanie, would check up on me. She would ask how I’m doing. And then she would respond accordingly. I did the same. We cared for one another in very tangible ways. During those six weeks, as I reflect back on it, I realize that though I experienced the same mood fluctuations, they were more bearable. I felt supported. I did not feel alone. The people around me, in that house, chased away the darkness just by their presence…they became Jesus to me with each kind gesture and their gentle nudges.

I need that again in my life. I crave it. I hope my journey through this life will find me, once again, living in community.



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